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Showing posts from April, 2024

UnAlive

I am alive, yet I feel "unalive" in my living. It's a profound paradox that captures the essence of my existential emptiness. My physical body continues to function, but my soul feels disconnected, numb, and devoid of purpose. I go through the motions of daily life—waking up, eating, working, and sleeping—but without truly experiencing the vibrant colors, textures, and flavors that make life worth living. It is as if a thick, impenetrable fog has settled over my existence, obscuring the beauty and wonder that once sparked joy and curiosity within me. My world has become a monotonous landscape of gray, where every day blends into the next, and the passing of time loses its significance. I feel trapped in a cycle of meaninglessness, unable to break free from the chains of apathy and despair. This state of being is not necessarily tied to my external circumstances, but rather stems from a disconnect within myself. It is a crisis of my spirit, where the fire that once fueled

Are You Struggling with Anxiety?

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Do you find yourself constantly worrying, feeling on edge, or experiencing overwhelming fear? If so, you may be struggling with anxiety. Anxiety is a common mental health issue that affects millions of people worldwide. Let’s explore the signs of anxiety and discuss some effective coping mechanisms to help you manage your symptoms. Signs of Anxiety 1. Excessive worry: Constantly worrying about everyday situations, even when there's no apparent reason to worry. 2. Restlessness: Feeling on edge, fidgety, or having trouble sitting still. 3. Fatigue: Feeling tired or weak, even after getting enough sleep. 4. Difficulty concentrating: Struggling to focus on tasks or experiencing a mind that goes blank. 5. Irritability: Feeling easily annoyed or short-tempered. 6. Sleep disturbances: Having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing unsatisfying sleep. 7. Physical symptoms: Experiencing muscle tension, headaches, stomachaches, or rapid heartbeat. Coping Mechanisms 1. Practic

Trees

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Trees are more than just beautiful additions to our landscapes; they also offer valuable life lessons that we can apply to our own lives. One of the most important lessons we can learn from trees is the importance of resilience. When faced with strong winds or storms, trees bend and sway, adapting to the pressure instead of rigidly resisting it. This flexibility allows them to weather the storm without breaking. Similarly, in our own lives, we should strive to be adaptable and resilient in the face of challenges, learning to bend without breaking under pressure. Another lesson we can learn from trees is the importance of staying grounded. Trees have deep, strong roots that anchor them firmly to the earth, providing stability and nourishment. In our own lives, it's essential to stay connected to our roots (not necessarily meaning family) – our values, beliefs, and support systems – in order to maintain a sense of stability and purpose. By staying grounded, we can draw strength and

Asleep in Your Bones

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I remember the nights we spent together, side by side, our bodies intertwined in the warmth of our shared bed. The gentle rhythm of your breathing was my lullaby, and the beat of my heart was in time with yours. I found peace in your presence, knowing that I was safe, loved, and cherished. But now, as fate has led me away from your physical embrace, I find comfort in the knowledge that I am still with you, always. I may no longer be sleeping next to you, but I am asleep in your bones. I have become a part of you, etched into your very essence. Our love, our memories, and our shared experiences have left an imprint on our souls. You were woven into the fabric of my being, and will remain there, forever. In times of joy, you will feel my laughter resonating through your body. In moments of sorrow, I will harness the sadness and breathe hope  into you dreams. And in the quiet moments of reflection, call upon me, and you will feel my love pulsing through your heart. I am no longer just a p

Love A Powerful Force

As I continue through life, I am coming to understand love, in all its forms—friendship, family, or romantic relationships—is the act of reflecting and amplifying the light within each other. It is a tender, constant, and sometimes life-saving endeavor, especially in those times when our own light is obscured from our sight by the shadows of life's challenges, regret, fear, shame, or grief. In these moments, having someone who sees us clearly and loves us deeply can reflect that light back to us, reminding us of our own brilliance and helping us to find our way again. When we are at our best, we too can be that beacon of love and support for others, helping them to see their own light when they struggle to see it themselves. Love is a powerful force that helps us navigate the ups and downs of life. Whether it comes from friends, family members, or romantic partners, love has the ability to uplift us and remind us of our own worth and potential, even in our darkest moments. It is a

I Will Be There

I will come for visits. You will know when I am near when the breeze stretches out and gently kisses your left cheek. Not both cheeks at the same time, but just your left cheek. It will be a subtle sign of my presence, a reminder that you are never truly alone. In those moments, if you close your eyes and allow yourself to feel, you will find me waiting for you in the light. I will be there with open arms, ready to embrace you with all the love and warmth that you deserve. And I will not be alone. Surrounding me will be those who have loved you throughout your life, those who have held you in their thoughts and prayers, even when you felt most lost and forgotten. They will be there, too, their faces radiant with joy and peace, eager to welcome you into their midst. Together, we will create a space of pure love and acceptance, a sanctuary where you can rest your weary soul and find solace from the struggles of your earthly journey. In this place, there will be no judgment, no pain, no s

Challenges and Struggles

I want you to know that I understand and respect you providing me space to figure out who I am before the end. It's a profound and deeply personal journey, and I'm glad you're taking the time to help me. Thank you.   You know, I've been thinking back to our high school days, and I have to say, I really respected you for hearing my "no" when you tried to take things further. I know I was probably sending mixed signals with all the touching and flirting, but you showed me respect. I realize now that I was dealing with a lot more than I could have imagined at the time, with sexual relationships I was having with old men. But look at us now, reconnected, married, after all these years, both of us on a mission to figure out who we really are and what truly matters in life. It hasn't been a smooth road, that's for sure. We've had our share of distractions and obstacles along the way. As awful, and dangerous, we've even come to blows at times, fightin

Announcement

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  “Shades of Resilience: Embracing Failures, Friendships, and the Journey to Becoming M’lynn” I am thrilled to announce that my autobiography has been chosen for inclusion at the prestigious International Impact Book Awards, set to be celebrated at a gala event this November in Phoenix. This recognition is not just an honor for me, but a testament to the journey, stories, and truths I've endeavored to share through my writing. The International Impact Book Awards are renowned for celebrating books that make significant contributions to their respective fields, offering insights, fostering understanding, and influencing their readership. Being recognized by such an organization underscores the universal resonance of the narratives woven within my book. The gala in Phoenix promises to be a gathering of like-minded individuals, authors, critics, and literature enthusiasts, all united in their appreciation for the power of the written word. It is an opportunity to engage with a communi

He Took

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The space between my legs was meant to be private, a sacred territory untouched by others. Yet, before I reached the tender age of five, it was claimed by someone who had no right—a 57-year-old who shattered the innocence of my world. Dreams that once sparkled with potential faded into the background, as I was relegated to a mere afterthought, left to simmer on the back burner of my own life. He took what was never his to take, and by the age of twelve, I found myself becoming willing, my actions guided by manipulation rather than choice. It wasn’t a daily occurrence, but it happened often enough to leave indelible marks on my psyche.   Now, at 63, I grapple with the realization that my life has been overshadowed by deceit, casting me into the role of a liar. He may have passed away in 1983, but the echoes of his actions haunt me still. How does one reclaim what was unjustly taken when the thief is no longer of this world? Despite the torment, I've continued to survive, to breathe,

It Was Never My Job

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In the shadow of understanding, a stark revelation unfolds, narrated by a voice once submerged in the innocence of youth. "It really was never my job to fight the bullies for you," the voice asserts, its timbre laced with the dawning of an overdue truth. In this confession lies the heart of a child who mistook responsibility for affection, who stood small yet fierce against the giants of malice, believing it was their duty to be the shield when, in all reality, the roles should have been reversed, and the protection should have been theirs to receive. "It really was never my job to make you happy," the voice continues, its clarity growing with each word. Here, the child, burdened by the weight of an adult’s emotional well-being, reflects on the unfairness of a world where a young heart felt compelled to juggle the fragile ornaments of another's contentment. This realization speaks of a backward world, where the innocence of youth was overshadowed by the hefty ex

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