🎤 Flap — Flap!
Ahem. Flap flap. Attention, United States. This is a message from the Unified Coalition of Penguins, Seals, and Occasionally a Confused Walrus (UCPSCW). First and foremost, we can’t even believe we are speaking about this. But given the climate in the USA we are forced to protect what is ours. We have reviewed trump’s latest snowflake meltdown about our alleged “10 percent tariff” and would like to respond… firmly, but flipperly. First of all—currency manipulation? Sir, our currency is literally fish. FISH. You think we’re manipulating the economy with anchovies and smelt? The only thing we’re manipulating is the occasional sardine under a rock. Second, the idea that we have “trade barriers” is ridiculous. We have no barriers. You can literally walk here—if you enjoy frostbite, hypothermia, and sudden death. We are VERY open. Too open, honestly. That’s how Dave the Polar Bear keeps sneaking in. And third—how DARE you tariff our exports! Penguin tuxedos? Those are bespoke. Th...